$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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