she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
