"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
