The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
What a dumb baby whore.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Randomize
