New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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