just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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