He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
