shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
