Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
