he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
