Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
