ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
