..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
