Please, let me fuck your mom
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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