no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
