If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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