I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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