What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
