just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Too much gin, very little bucket
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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