I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
