i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
