only you would photoshop your dick
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
