the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
