im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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