It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
