that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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