she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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