Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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