the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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