party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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