I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He's on the porch naked. Help.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
