There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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