I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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