So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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