i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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