sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
