your room smells of hookers.
And success
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She even gives head with a lisp.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
