i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
