Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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