I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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