She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
