I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
