My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
