He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
