I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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