you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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