I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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