Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
