I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
