I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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