Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
