the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
