Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
