I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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