Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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